So Jeremy has tagged me and now I get to tell people things they shouldn’t know about me. Before I get into my 7 things about yours truly, I would like to preface with, “I understand if you don’t find anything I’m about to say the least bit interesting.” I can say that with confidence, because I share your boredom. I would also like to say, that no matter what people tell you on the street, I am full of hope…angry, angry, hope. If you don’t believe me, you can bite me. Oh, and if you ever use any of this against me, I will find you and bore you to death.
1. My Very Own Urinal
Similar to Jeremy’s desire to have a giant tub, I have always wanted my own urinal. Not just any urinal mind you. I want a giant urinal so big that I could dance around in the bathroom and it would still hit the urinal. I know! That’s a really big urinal! In addition to the ginormous urinal, I would also like accessories that would allow me to play hit-the-target games. I decided a long time ago that once I had this urinal in my home, I would know that I had made it in life and that I would have finally become successful. Needless to say, I still do not have my urinal.

2. I Don’t Like Professional or College Sports
I suffer a self-induced disconnection from my fellow man, I abhor and avoid all pro and college sports. This puts me in awkward situations, especially in the South, where many people love their football teams more than their own mom. In general, you can ask me about any quarterback, outfielder or basketball player, and the only thing you’ll get back from me is a stare from the inner abyss of a puritanical loathing of whatever it is you just said. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t know what you said and I don’t care.

3. I Was An All-American Water Polo Player
You might be saying, wait a second! I thought you weren’t a real man and didn’t like sports. No, I didn’t say that I didn’t like sports, I said I didn’t like college or professional sports. But hey, I still like sports. I like them so much that I played baseball, soccer, football and as the title states, water polo. I played it in high school and my team won the state championship my senior year. I was also made an All-American water polo player! Sadly, it was the only sport I was good at. In fact, my history of sports is extreme. I either really sucked or was very good. For example, I went an entire basketball season without making one basket, even though I had at least a dozen close up shots each game. I know, I sucked!

4. I’ve Moved a Lot!
That’s what happens when you’re part of the witness protection program. However, in my case, we just moved a lot. In fact, I only found stability in where I lived after I left home. I lived in Birmingham, AL for five years, Denver, CO for 10 years, and Nashville, TN (where I am now) for three years. Before leaving home, it was a completely different story and we moved on average every 1 1/2 years. In total, I’ve lived:
- Twice in Florida
- Twice in California
- Twice in Colorado
- Twice in Alabama
- Twice in Tennessee
- Twice in Virginia
- Once in Missouri
- Once in Massachusetts
- Once in Pennsylvania

5. I’m a Trained Marriage & Family Counselor
I have bachelor’s degree in Human Development & Family Studies, master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and had a small marriage and family counseling practice in Denver, CO. Yeah, bet you really didn’t know that! I love human behavior and the intricacies that make up relationships, but I DO NOT LIKE COUNSELING! Now, I’m not against counseling. If you’ve got a problem, like a husband who is emotionally crippled or a wife that’s sucking the life out of you, by all means, go get counseling! The thing is, it takes a very special person to listen to those problems day in and day out. I’m am not that special kind of person. I admit it, I prefer computers over human interaction.

6. I Was Hit by a Car and Survived!
I am so seriously cool for surviving. So I was in fourth grade and I was riding my bike like super-duper fast! My street was coming up, so I looked behind me and didn’t see any cars. I then pedaled even faster and then turned my bike left to cross the street. BAM! An elderly woman in a giant Cadillac struck me full force! Somehow, miraculously, I flew into the air about 20 or 30 feet and landed (more like skidded, ouch!) on the street. I checked my body, stood up and walked over to the sidewalk and started crying (I’m tough, but not that tough.) However, my bike was a different story. It was completely demolished underneath the car. I’m not sure how the physics of that all worked out, all I know is that I walked away from it, my bike didn’t, and I’m happy to be alive.

7. I Smoked Pot in 5th Grade
Thanks to my older brother and lots of time on my hands, I smoked pot for a good portion of 5th grade. I’m not sure if it’s a big deal, but every time I tell that to people, they think it is, so here it is. I can say that I have a horrible time remembering things and part of me thinks it was because of this. I was poisoning my sweet grey matter noggin at such a precious young age. Hrrrm, now that I think about it, maybe it was because I was hit by that car. Either way, except for a few times in high school and college, I don’t touch the stuff anymore.

Tag, You’re It!
Okay, I’m done spilling the beans about my life. Now it’s my turn to keep spreading this “7 things” viral/meme/puke/storytelling goodness. Tag! You’re it!





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The Facebook Vanity URL Fiasco
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009At the stroke of midnight on Friday, June 12 (technically Saturday at 12:01 AM EST), geeks all around the world will frantically login to Facebook with the attempt to land as many great vanity URLs as they can. Unsuspecting businesses around the world will think they have nothing to fear. Or do they?
There is an enormous flaw with the Facebook vanity URL registration. If you intend to register your company’s vanity URL, there is a very good chance you won’t be able to. Unless your company had a Facebook page setup prior to May 31, 2009 AND has at least 1,000 fans, you will not be eligible to claim your vanity URL during the first round of registration (the second round begins June 28, 2009).
On the flipside, if you are Joe Schmoe with a dummy profile account, you can grab that same company vanity URL, no questions asked. Unless a company has registered with Facebook to prevent the registration of their business name, the vanity URL is up for grabs. Facebook of course made it so you can’t fill out their prevention ticket, unless they provided you with a registration number to do so. I know what you’re thinking, “I’ll just have my company signup for a Facebook profile and grab it.” Wrong. Facebook does not allow companies to setup profiles, only pages. And that is where this horrible fiasco will begin.
Thousands of great brand names will be available for users to grab, because so few companies actually have over 1,000 fans. And what about the companies that have over a dozen Facebook pages setup by fans that have exceeded the 1,000 fan requirement? Take Audi, for example. There are 8 Audi Facebook pages eligible to register the vanity URL /audi/. What happens if it is a “hate” account? Twilight has a fan page called “Twilight Sucks” with over 3,000 fans. They are going to be eligible to grab the vanity URL for Twilight because they meet all of Facebook’s requirements.
Although Facebook says vanity URLs are permanent and can’t be transfered, they do reserve the right to remove the vanity URL from you. There are always loop holes, of course. Take a company like SAS for example. You could create a Facebook profile with the name Sarah Ann Stevens and claim the vanity URL /sas/. It would be hard for SAS to make a valid claim to Facebook when the person who registered it was only using their initials. And just like that a Fortune 500 company vanity URL is gone.
Your last line of defense is to fill out an Intellectual Property Infringement claim. We all know how big of a pain it is to reclaim Twitter accounts, do you really think Facebook will be any better?
Update: The registration number is your registered trademark number. My SAS example is invalid b/c the URL must be five characters long.
Taylor Pratt is a Search Marketing Specialist at nFusion. You can follow him on Twitter.
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